why does things always got to be like that? everytime i workhard to persue it, go all the way, not holding back to anything and giving it all out, something is bound to happen! one way or another, it's going to crash the dreams and start marking them everywhere and labeling them anywhere that 'this dream is impossible'. this isn't some obsticle that you could figure it out and get over with it yet this often come in a choice. a choice of life and death, heaven or hell. infact, seriously speaking it's a choice between death or hell! now it's getting from worse to hopeless. i really fail to see what is the point of living this life. it's so hopeless, nothing can change it. and fail to see the point if life means failing the whole life! i find it really very meaningless, i put on a mask to meet the world everyday because i know that there isn't anything behind this mask that is prsentable . sometime i feel that i am just a hollow casing that is just merely living life like how humans are programmed to. hopeless in everything!!! i thought it was bad when i figured it out that my world had turned into balck and white!!! but i was wrong!!! it's much worse when it's total pitch dark. somewhere in january, earlier on in this year,i thought i saw a glimpse of light, thought i found a reason in life, a hope i can hold on and prove to the world that i am not useless and of some use. but now it seemed that it's marked as 'impossible' again. i am very tired. exhuasted and sick of this. this is my second try already!!! but again, fate and destiny shuts me off from the world. again i am left behind, way far behind!!! i sick of everything i have to do to get to the top, sick of the trials i have to go through to get over with the obsticle. i am tired, really exhausted!!! just want to have a break. to breath, to take a rest. thought this was a new start, a new life and a new me upon entering this school. where nobody knew my past but the past seemed to played itself again! took a long time come all the way here, with effort, with sweat, with blood yet all gone to waste!!! it seemed that i can't go on anymore. it's really very clear that it's hopeless. crystal clear!!! sometimes i wonder? are we really fated to who we are going to be? even thought you met someone that is sure to help you and could bring all the way to the top, fate will always be there to help you wave goodbye to the bright future? are our destiny decided on the day we are born and no matter how hard we try to break free, we will still end up with a life full of failures and mistakes? guess it's no point in guessing... let's just focus on how will this pathetic life worsen!!!
Still finding.
10:58 PM