it's back... on my shoulders and pressing me hard! pushing me down all the way! day after day eveybody is pushing me like shit. they expect me to work and work! i really want to take a break! every single freaking day i wake up to a day with table piled up with work and bagpack filled with assignments and the range waiting for me! this sucks! there isn't any wrong side of the bed for me to wake up to as everyday seemed as dark! teachers, coaches and them chewing my ass, friends leading me by the nose and a head so small to contain the big dream! what a great day to start with? i am so freaking tired of working tired of trying tired of standing up again tired of putting on a fake smile tired of entertaining them tired of what i have to hear tired of myself tired of breathing and definitely tired of life! SO WHAT I AM LIKE THIS, YOU THINK I WANT TO BE IN THIS STATE? so what i am weird, so what i am stupid so what i am ugly so what i am lame so what i am smelly so what i am fat so what i am noisy so what i am violent so what i am pathetic so what i am going to screw up my shooting and studies so what i suck!!! SO WHAT!!! you think i want to be like this? you think i want to look like a pig(physically and facially)? do you think i want to smell like crap! you think i want to screw up every single shit i do? who in the right mind would want the worse for themselves? its when every single shit in that individual's life is THAT screwed, then death is the best way out where things will not get worse and at least its still in a good state when it was last seen! all you people say is that 'why are you lazy don't go training, why you so stupid student don't know how to study, must well die, why you so fat eat so much, why you so smelly, why you never do homework, why can't you just get one thing right?' well shut the FUCKING FUCKED UP FUCK MOUTH UP! school is torturous enough and yet you people have so much to say! but did you know how irritating can it be when you people don't get the reason why and just blindly pass your comment? nevertheless how hurting can it be no matter how close the relationship may be? everything seemed to pile up on me!! and i am sitting on the edge of hope looking at where i am through the eyes of others where i have been left behind decades and centuries ago, i am just too exhausted to get back on my feets and catch up!! this as good as taking me back to hell! thanks everybody for making a difference in my life where once i felt that i am significant to you people... you people kept my birthday in mind! all i have left is you guy and its the only thing i can stand up tall and proud that i have you guys as friends! thanks! Labels: i love rainy days
Still finding.
11:00 PM