day 5 Labels: all i want is to see my friends
god damn it
so it's going to be like that?
huh?
so what if you don't let me go?
like you can keep me in this house?
guess you haven't noticed?
all i get from you guys is only money and shelter
if i get to have money and shelter i don't need you guys
seriously i don't
i don't give a fuck about you using your fucking authority on me
i am not your little boy anymore
and for your information
if it's going to be like that
you will definitely not see me there at orchard
i don't give a fuck what you say what you want
BECAUSE you never gave me what i wanted
and you stupid old fool
老不死的
stop brainwashing that fucking bitch that i am going to quit
YOU are the LOSER
该quit的不quit不该quit的就quit到完!
how long ago you said you want to quit smoking?
how long ago you said you want to quit gambling?
and for what fucking reason you quit taxi?
if you want to scold your child,
for heaven sake please at least not contradict yourself
i am not wanting a goodie good example
but at least not contradict
all you do is come home
fight the computer we us
sit there for like 3-4 hours
and not go for taxi
at least we will be better off with that extra cash!
and for you information i used to use the computer for only 2-3 hours max
and you start your fucking sing-song session
so how is 3-4hours not very much difference compared to 2-3hours?
you know we are poor and you do nothing about it
in fact i have a confession to make
TO EVERYBODY:
the real reason for me not going to OLE3 is that my edusave account has only $25 left! and a freaking cheapest malaysia trip is minimum $100. so i thought now money is hard to come by, maybe i shall not spent the unnessesary. and i have a perfect excuse to runaway is that i can just say i ned to stay in singapore to train for nationals! in fact for those who knows me, they know that i am a very out going person. in fact if someone pays for all the trip i am more than happy to go for each and every one of it
you know how hard its been this few days for me?
you people never felt that before
and when i finally made it through the week
and the day which i really ned comes you shut me off
man! why does it got to be like that
you always ALWAYS have to judge my friends
judge who i talk to
who i mix around
every single person in my life
you seemed to have your opinion
but FUCK it
i don't give a fuck and i don't want to hear'em
you know 15 years
15 fucking years
you have been the pain the the arse man
it's not the whole i going to kill
why you got to be so worked up for
and if they really don't
what can you do?
c'mon this is life man
can you just get a life
and get out of mine
you know i've been waiting patiently the whole fucking week for tomorrow to come
and you had to spoil it
all i want to do is just meet them
so what if i don't go to that shit
is it the end of the world?
end of me?
am i going to de lying on my deathbed?
am i going to be knock down by a car because of karma?
is there retribution?
am i to die?
in fact if i could catch o glimpse of them
before i die
thenn it's fine for me
because if you keep me away for them
i am really as good as dead
so if i am going to end up dying
why not i walk to nicer path?
at least i get to die happily
rather in great grieve and hatred?
you know you know nothing about me?
you know nothing about what i am going through
do you know i am going through a very hard time now?
NO
do you know how badly i've done in my studies?
NO
if yes i can guess you would say that 'see la lazy la, watch tv, play computer, so useless'
but when you saw me studying what did you say?
huh?
i worked so hard
night after night
couldn't sleep well
what did you do or even say?
you only say 'why are your grades so screwed? play la, go out somemore come home later! and you will end up sweeping the floor'
do you know that my shooting is so screwed
NO! even if you did you will say 'sleep la lazy la don't want to go and train la of course shoot like shit!'
for heaven sake
you know nothing
for your information
i passed every freaking subject
i even got a fucking B3 for my english
people from my class failed
and according to the ranking of level position for last years
i am dead last
and for your information
i don't have any fucking Cs
all As and Bs
and another information for you nearly half the level fail 1/3 of the subjecys they are taking
AND FOR HEAVEN SAKE I PASSED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PAPER!!!
and and and this is the formal sec 3 exam we people are taking
so we have to adapt
even the teachers have raised us on not taking the results too hard
because this is a very common sign
and we could thanks people like our famous bangladesh PAMELA
for setting the fucking A-Math paper so difficult
and all that just made our result slips more colourful
not as in 'PASSING WITH FLYING CLOURS'
BUT vivd red lines underlining those subject we failed
BUT AGAIN FOR HEAVEN SAKE I PASSED ALL FUCKING SUBJECT
so i think you could cut me some slack!
you the reason why i shot crap
is because i have stop 2 solid weeks to study for exams(which the results turned out to be fucking crap to you guys)
and i had just change a new suit
so i think you could try to understand
and having a breaking or two is like a crime to you guys
you kow on tuesday i trained twice
i was suppose to rest in the evening
but that vegetable aunty just wouldn't let me off
she wouln'd look at me
she just wants me to stand there and 找回动做 by myself
and she never stops filing her pistol
and you know what 钱 for the privated session for the school she 招收!
and you know how tiring it was?
huh?
then i just wanted to rest the next day
and you nag and nag and nag at me for not training!
you know all this problems you don't know and you jump straight to conclusion that i am lazy
and for your information i can tell you people right in the face that i am the most hardworking shooter on the team
i ask you who goes down almost everynight to train?
and you call me lazy?
mr chua even said i trained too much and is worried for me about my studies
jian zong does train everynight but he's back at china for a visit
and now i am the only one left training
so you could just shut the fuck up
and don't try to ever compare me with your friends son or whoever
because we are different
you like me to compare you with other mothers?
do earn as much money as other mothers?
my friend's mother cold juggle her work and house chores together!
you think your pathetic $1000++ is very valuable compared to my friend's $3000 a month?
一分钱，一份货
自己检讨检讨!
自己比不上旧不要那别人来比!
in fact i find it very embarressing to have your child to worry for your finacial problems!
and mopping the floor was actually for me TO HELP(notice the words in bold)
NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!
so give me a break
and and and i had a great fight with my best friends, did you know?
NO! all you think is that my friends are all evil, they are out there to get me
you think that you are the best BUT YOU ARE NOT!
i tried to understand you
put myself in you shoes
but how's there for me
i definitely know not you
all i have is my friends
and they are there for me
and now all i want is to have a day with them
i really missed them
yet YOU HAD TO RUIN IT!
with all this on me
the pressure, the stress
good academy results, good co-curriculum performance
good son, good brother
and most of all a good friend
weighing on my shoulders
i am really having a hard time
and i have many more
with the recent incident with them
i still have homework for the holidays piled up nicely for me on my table
the nationals is coming and i am still screwing up every single training session
and you two's WONDERFUL sing sessions
with all this weighing on me
i have no choice to blow it all up here!
and one finally thing i am definitely NOT going for that thing!
THAT IS FOR SURE!
Still finding.
11:08 PM