i wonder is this allowed?
blogging all the sad stuff on my blog?
sometimes i just feel like deleting it all away
everytime i come to my blog to check the tags,
and happened to read the blogs...
it just felt like i'm going through it all over again
the anger...
the pain...
the hatred...
the tears...
the memorises...
the ENDs...
so should i delete it all away?
i don't know...
sometimes i feel like i'm going overboard
and when i reread what i've wrote
i guess i did...
sometimes i ask myself
does it got to be like this
could i have handled the situation with another approach
and not turn things to such sour state?
the usual 4?
my shooting results?
my exam results?
my shooting juniors?
my vice-chair post?
him?
OBS?
meeting?
friendships?
could i have been better off then this?
or was i the wrong one all along?
was it a mistake for my mom parents to bring me here?
was it?
was i too proud to think straight?
did the self-centeredness lead me the wrong way?
was i too confident?
am i too proud to reflect
was it just a mistake all along?
and the least i could do is just leave as soon as possible?
to prevent other mistakes?
if i'm the one wrong all this time then,
i think i should apologise about what i wrote...
hahax
what i'm doing?
i don't know either...
i guess all i want to say is
this is somewhere i vent everything out
so i'm here to apologise if something here hurts you
but some posts here are to be nasty to wake people up!
so intentionally or unintentionally
if i hurt you...
i apologise
i guess i'm lame
blog le then apologise
but who cares...
i know i don't...
all i want to do is ACT friendly...
whatever...
and to SIAN:
i guess you misunderstood what i meant
no offence but just to let you know
there was a period of time i purposely changed my link
without telling people
is becausei don't want people to think that i'm just complaining how shitty my life is
but i thought through it and found out that by hiding my blog
it just defeats the purpose of having this blog
so here i am back to whine again
and for your information
what makes you think that i'm not trying to make my shitty life better
what makes you think i'm just sitting there
whine and whine
i could do both at the same time you know?!
if i were not to at least try to make it better
why would i be writing a long post about shooting club
if i don't give a shit then why will i be training like hell at china for 27 days and come back to chiong another 8 months of nationals after i lost by 2 points to get into finals?
if i were to really give up already
will i be sitting here to blog?
shouldn't i be in the coffin?
with maggots in my intestine and liver
resting in the cold hard dirt?
and if the problem is solved
will it still be a problem?
will there be a topic for me to blog about?
if all were to be so easy to solve,
then why are there so many people suffering including you and me?
and things i blog here are usually things that i tried to solve but i get out of my hands
if i were to tell you i trained the hardest in my school for school team
but i still couldn't get the gold medal
what can i do?
train harder?
that's what i'm trying to do
so what makes you think i'm not doing anything?
and he who owes me money
and i try to get it back
but he claims that he doesn't have any
what can i do?
rob him?
and to wake him up
i blog nasty stuff about him
at the same time
helping myself to create a imae that i'm not someone you canpush around
isn't this trying?
but is doesn't help
so i post about it
and you comment that i'm not doing anything
shooting club i getting from worse to hopeless
we held a meeting to get the commitee going
i offend people during the meeting
i came to the blog to apologise
trying to clear all doubts
and you say i'm not doing anything
all i want to say
whatever i blog here is that i tried my best but non works
but i guess after all
everybody who reads my blog takes it that i'm just a loser who can't take the problems in life
and accepting them...
whatever man
you guys can think what you want
like i said
i'm here to vent it all out
i'm not trying to offend you 'sian'
but just trying to clear up whatever misunderstandings
and once again
i'm sorry to all...
the ones i love, the ones i use to love and those who i really hate!
Still finding.
11:22 PM