feel like blogging
don't ask me why but just felt like it
don't feel like studying...
for once, i don't feel like doing good
sick of doing the right thing all the time
i want to be bad
i want to do wrong things instead
something fresh
don't ask me why
just had the urge
feel like dying my hair
pierce my ear, lips, brows etc
want to feel bad
feel evil
feel like kaobei-ing someone
feel like picking up a fight
just felt so
want to scream
for once, want to feel how is it to be dumb
the inability to express myself
don't like the feeling to constantly pushing myself to do what's right
sick of it
time to train... FUCK YOU
time for tuition... FUCK YOU
time for school... FUCK YOU
get off the computer... FUCK YOU
switch off the television... FUCK YOU
FUCK FUCK FUCK
i hate all this
all i want to do is just sit at home
let time pass
just let it go and observe
each passing second
i want to hurt... someone
just felting inflicting pain on someone
the need to feel some violence going on
feel like committing some crime
just for the excitement
seriously don't ask, just read
i don't know
i'm losing the grid of myself again
but i really want to do something foolish
just anything foolish
ANYTHING...
someone help me
i don't know...
i crapping again
no idea what i'm writing
losing a grip of myself again
i don't know
he confront me reguarding this topic again
*RANDOM!!!*
am i really like that?
do i constantly repeating?
it's the second time he talked about it
are they that interested
but one thing is for sure that is,
it didn't cross my mind until he mentioned it
but something tells me that he couldn't be trusted 100%
from experience and advices
he said i'm constantly behaving like that
but maybe it's just a habit
i could be a memory
that was engraved
that i'm unable to adapt so quickly
i guess i'm too comfortable around things
that this habit is not erasable
but he speak of it that some do the same too
and yet some don't
specifying which is which
he urge me for the better
some are willing but some are dangerous
he fends me from danger but persuades me to break the ice
others closer approaches this sensitives
as i just passed a simple remark
but i have hurt much and don't wish further
however some things in life is inevitable
we speak as though tomorrow all would be dumb
but our actions are not one
down in the heart
there's a wish
but the pride doesn't fail
a yes lights many
but awkwardness linger
a no breaks many
but its for the better
it takes two hands to clap
but i would want to keep mine
for i see no benefit
but if one desire it badly
a move shouldn't come from the uninterested other party
life is about changes
one day a sand would become a pearl
one day the desert may flourish
one day all ice would become water
one day the sun may not rise
one day mountains could be moved
and one day my mind would change too
haven't been very hardworking lately
slacking most of the time
never hand in work on time
skipped training
never study
and most importantly,
SHOT BADLY
insufficient training
then don't know where the time went to
didn't do any studying
although i gave up on mid-year
but i will still try my best to work on it
the point of saying that i giving up is that if i don't do well
i wouldn't be that upset about it as i can blame it that i'm not giving it my best and that's not my standard
a form of excuse, to run away from the fact
when in life will there be a second chance because of not being ready?
but still, and escaping excuse is still essential
for now i've no idea what i'm doing
should be training hard
but i'm slacking off
but if its for studies, understandable
but i'm spending these precious time on television series
which i have no idea what's the plot and such
or playing computer game...
what's wrong with me...
i have no idea
Saturday did a terrible job
537... ranked fifth
90 90 91 92 84 90
couldn't believe it
i couldn't even hit a simple 540
and i shot a 6
how tremendous
shooting 9-10 is like what should be done
occasionally a 8 may be fine
7 is already forbidden
yet now a 6... DURING COMPETITION?!
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!
i'm so losing it
fuck this crap man
oh my god
a 6, and not even a 540
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!
DAMN IT!
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SHIT IS THIS
DAMN THE FUCKING SHOOT
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
but still, there's always next time
like i care!!! (like you don't?! SUCKER!!)
a side from that
trying to manage my life alot
and did alot of serious damage controls
been really cautious
have many new addition to my friendlist
after the major striking off session
now, i'm handling this in a very different way
constantly checking for signs of doing the wrong things
trying my best to manage it the right way
and make sure that i can bounce right back when something goes wrong
and not hurt myself
this i'm proud of to talk about
i will try my best to be a good friend
but i will always keep a slight distance
and not get too comfortable with each other
so if i happened to hurt and people, so sorry
but just trying to be cautious here
and lastly. any errors please ignore it. i know you will get me...
Still finding.
10:35 PM